I am borrowing portions of this post from my personal blog… the one before my educational blog. I read my last blog post from a year ago- I was gung-ho on starting to blog weekly. Alas, this past year blogging has not been a part of my daily repertoire… and I am OK with this. Normally, when looking back about a commitment I had made and failed at would send me into the depths of the chaotic ruminations of self-condemnation–not this time.
I know I will return. There is always a return…with some sense of new understanding, new learning.
I am listening to my new favorite podcast, The One You Feed, thinking about Thich Nhat Hanh and the internal seeds I water daily, or as their podcast postulates, which wolf do I feed…which seed do I water: the self condemning, fearful one or the loving, joyful one? I ponder, Jung’s shadow, that side of us we keep hidden from the world. What do I nourish, joy, gratitude, passion or fear, apathy, and self-loathing? Both wolves need to be approached with an objective compassion- I will never be “rid” of my human self.
The commitment to write last year has not faded, nor did the commitment to health and exercise….I write every day, just not on my blog, yet.
I asked myself last year: “The doubting, the self-critic so strong and mean at times – can be crushing. The question becomes – how do we use irrational fear and transform it into a power that catapults us to the next step?” Meditation, writing, exercising, serving others, and a host of other things lead me to self-acceptance, a form of loving kindness to myself. My meditation has also called me to a commitment of no TV for a year, with a focus on more intentional writing and reading, and as always, exercise (walking, running, strength training, stairs, yoga – some form of movement) every day for 10 minutes or more and meditation is included in this commitment. So far, so good – 33 days
So here I sit in my yet, writing a new blog post, modeling literacy for my students. Challenging myself to write publicly.